Summer vacation

July 25, 2007

I just returned to Chicago from almost three weeks in Maine.  It’s amazing how different this trip was than last year’s.  Both were great, but there was a totally different take-away each time.

This is the spot where my beloved cousin got married a couple of weeks ago. 

It was unspeakably joyous and unusual and made it easy for me to believe that attending a wedding could be a positive activity for someone going through a divorce.

There, I said it out loud.  It’s official.  I’m getting divorced.  I vacillate between euphoria, gut-wrenching fear and paralyzing numbness.

Needless to say, these pastoral scenes were good for the psyche as was the fellowship of wonderful family members.  I am so blessed.

Cape Porpoise, Maine–post wedding, pre-sunset.  Heaven on earth.

A short trip to Rockport, Mass with a small contingency of cousins to catch some waves.  Who cares if the water is 60 degrees Fahrenheit?  The bodies sporting in them (the two tiny dots in the mid-left of the picture) are too young to be seized with burning joints when dashing into the surf.  It was idyllic–a perfect day for kids and grown-ups alike.

Quincy Market reflected in the Great Hall sign.

Then a day-trip to Boston to admire at least part of the Freedom Trail.

I wonder if the Fathers of Our Country imagined Quincy Market as a place where half-naked tattooed and pierced contortionists would frolic for money?  Or maybe it was like that then, too.

I felt a little like a spelling bee finalist when I commented to my cousin, “Faneuil Hall; that looks like a French name (although prodigiously ill-pronounced).”  Et voila. 

I know from French names.

And I fell in love with Beacon Hill doorways.

Then back to Maine for a wonderful family reunion, the publication of a family memory/cookbook which rocks, kayaking, and hanging out.

Now home again, home again jiggety-jig.  Bought Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to read on the plane home.

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SNAPE!  I KNEW IT!  I KNEW IT!

The decompression after vacation has begun.  It’s back to real life–opening mail, cleaning the litter box, paying bills.  And the big stuff–meeting with the lawyer, finding a job, facing my enormous rage which has exploded after years of playing nice.

My take-away from last year’s vacation is that I am free–free of the burdens I have carried for years.  My take-away from this year is that I can’t enjoy that freedom until I clean out the parts of myself where I have locked away anger, disappointment, fear and pain.  To avoid it?  To be the good girl?  To ‘forgive’?

I have a chance to be someone new and yet to find the old me that got lost along the way.  I have a chance to do something important–something I am called to do–something only God knows yet, something only I can do.

Vacation’s over, time to get back to work.

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6 Responses to “Summer vacation”

  1. Kathy Says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your divorce, but something you said struck me: “I have a chance to be someone new and yet to find the old me that got lost along the way.”

    That is so true. That’s exactly what happened to me after my divorce. It will happen for you, too.

    I was so glad Snape was a good guy. I honestly wasn’t sure.

  2. Anne Says:

    Whatever you do, don’t be the “good girl”, be the honest girl. And don’t expect anything to happen quickly – the good stuff will take some time.

    I’ve not been right there, but there was a time I nearly managed to f**k up my own marriage completely – somehow we managed to pull it back together again, but I was close enough to get some of the “gut-wrenching fear and paralyzing numbness”.

    And Snape – yay! I’ve been proclaiming his virtue too 🙂 It’s SOOOOOO good to be right!

  3. cecily Says:

    I’m SO glad you’re back to posting again. I’ve missed reading your entries. I hope that you’re doing well, whatever you’re doing. *hug*

  4. mrspao Says:

    Glad to hear you are sounding so positive. It looks like you brought more from your journey than you expected. I love your pictures.

  5. Ruth Spears Says:

    Anne is right – be honest with yourself ABOUT yourself. I had to find the real me after years and years of trying to be what someone else wanted me to be. Didn’t even recognize myself when I finally, honestly, looked. But it works out and you like yourself again. Who were you before you put yourself last?
    Ruth

  6. Roberto Iza Says:

    PTL! So nice to see you writing again.

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