SPR (or why I always flunked standardized tests)

May 3, 2006

In addition to being vertically and chronologically challenged (neither cause suffering), I am SPR. (And AC–Acronym Challenged) Yes folks, spatial relationally challenged (Did you get that it should be SRC? Wow, I scare myself sometimes). You remember the part of the standardized test where you have to look at a 2-D object and then match it with the correct 3-D object if you folded it up (like I could). I’d squint and visualize and choose the cucumber shape only to find out it was supposed to be the tower of London or something.

I said all that to say this. The humor that is supposed to be a part of the Whiplash Competition isn’t manifest in the plan for my creation. No, mine was serious. The humor (or humour, for those of you in the Great White North, eh?) is in my Larry, Moe and Curly double-pointed needle knitting style and in the outcome of my LoveKnotFear bag.

Here’s my bag on the DPNs.

Yes, that’s my leg in the photo. I did indeed use it, my toes and rubber bands to keep all the stitches where they belonged. (I am totally embarrassed to post that picture. I could say the camera adds ten pounds, but I’d be lying. Throw away those Krispy Kremes.)

But I persisted! I think the yarn I used helped too. It was nice and grabby (sorry, knoggers, I don’t know the proper word for yarn that doesn’t slide right off the needle). It’s Peruvian Collection Highland Chunky: lovely to work with and felts like a dream. Very reasonably priced at elann but colors are limited right now. I actually bought mine on eBay. I have to go back and check, but I think I used 8.5 skeins (76 yds/skein = approximately 650 yards).

Last night I tucked in all my trailers (yarn hanging off) and stitched down the edges of my celtic knot and popped my bag in the washer. As soon as I took it out of the washer, I laughed. It looked like a matronly bustier with a large brooch. Shall I rename it my Bosom Buddies Bag? Your opinion folks, do I need to move the handles? They look wrong to me, like I stitched across the bag when I should have stayed on the same side.

The moral to the story? Don’t kitchener random handles at two o’clock in the morning, even if they look right to you.

I LOVE the square bottom of the bag. That’s probably my favorite part, and I think the welt to firm up the bottom turned out great despite my fears. There’s a reason the pattern I referenced put the welt in a different color. You try finding the same colored stitch five rows below the one you are working on where your doubled yarn that you can’t see starts. Maybe you can, but I know I looked like a babboon using her back feet trying to figure it out.

I’m not upset, because I think I can redo the handles and still like it–another fear conquered–cutting into a finished project. I’m even looking forward to it (or maybe I want to avoid the mountain of laundry sitting in the hallway). I could also cut off the bottom and use it for a shirt, since I can tell by the picture of my thigh, that a matronly top is probably just about my speed. Sad day. I think I’ll go finish off that box of donuts.


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